


The love she's lost and found

by thenightwing



Category: Supergirl (TV 2015)
Genre: Angst with a Happy Ending, F/F, Homophobia, Lena Luthor Gets a Hug, Lena Luthor Needs a Hug, Minor Eliza Danvers, self-hate, the luthors are assholes
Language: English
Status: Completed
Published: 2020-06-20
Updated: 2020-06-20
Packaged: 2021-03-04 04:42:13
Rating: General Audiences
Warnings: Creator Chose Not To Use Archive Warnings, No Archive Warnings Apply
Chapters: 1
Words: 1,582
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/24817810
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/thenightwing/pseuds/thenightwing
Summary: Lena is at Pride. Everything is just a bit too much for her until it's not.
Comments: 5
Kudos: 45





	The love she's lost and found

No one would ever think to see Lena Luthor here.

Here, being the Pride Parade of National City.

A woman as busy as her should be swamped with paperwork and held up in her office for hours and hours on end.

That isn’t false. Most of the times, it is actually very true.

However, the minute she wakes up and finds her news announcer yapping excitedly about Pride and all they are celebrating for, she pauses in her movements.

Pride.

It isn’t something Lena would usually associate with herself.

Pride usually goes with love, and in the spirit of full honesty and disclosure, Lena hasn’t known love since she was 4.

To little Lena, a cozy home in Ireland’s frosty arms and a mother who loves singing all the time is the definition of love.

Her mother was the first person Lena’s ever loved, and she was taken away from her too soon. Lena’s heart aches, remembering the helplessness of calling into sky blue lake, the love and light of her life nowhere to be seen amongst strong, brutal waves. 

Little Lena, born with so much love inside her heart they can burst out at any minute, watched the only person who’s ever been loved by her died.

She blames herself entirely, knowing her mother would still be alive till this day had she ran to get help. Had she known to call 911. Had she known better than to just stand there like a stupid, emotionless statue.

Lena sees pictures after pictures of moms giving out “mom hugs” flashed across her TV, and pains at what could have been.

She hasn’t known a love like that ever since she was taken in by the Luthors.

A love that cuts so deep in her heart and marks the biggest scar a person can carry around for the rest of their life.

Tears stream down her face at the image of when she came out to her new family at the tender age of 14 flashes behind her eyelids.

It moves so slow, like a slow motion sequence of frames attached to one another.

Plates had been smashed. Forks and spoons thrown off the table. Glasses broken. Voices screaming, yelling, hurling hateful things at her, at her mother, and at the love she’s been so desperate to get from her new family.

_“Get out! We will not have a place for a dyke in this house!”_

_“You’re nothing but trash. God will punish you for your sin, remember that.”_

_“Disgusting. I’m ashamed to even be associated with you. What would your dead mother think, Lena?”_

Her young heart had been broken beyond repair, and yearned for the love that was never there.

The love that would only surface when she brings home A+ assignments and national championship trophies. The love that was never present amidst the nights she missed her mom and longed for the warm feeling of a mother’s hug. The love that she knew she would never receive from anyone ever again.

Before she knows it, Lena finds herself standing in front of her favorite café shop, watching quietly as the exciting parade filled with people like her walk by.

She envies the joy she sees on their face, but doesn’t feel like she’s entitled to it all. Doesn’t feel like she deserves any of it.

A young girl, probably 15, is shouting “Equality for all! Equality for all!”. Lena wishes she could have been just as brave as her back then.

Two women, arms locked around each other’s waist, somewhere around 50 or 60 years old, turn to look at one another with so much love in their eyes. Lena can tell they’ve been through a lot together, and it makes her heart hurt to know she can never have that kind of meaningful experience with anyone.

The gigantic rainbow banner, carried by two large men donning shirts of allies and family and friends, waves freely in the wind. A symbolic value of the freedom and livelihood LGBTQ+ everywhere is celebrating and grateful for. Lena wants to be like that too, free and grateful for life.

A crowd of moms and dads wearing “dad hugs” and “mom hugs” t-shirts pause every few minute to engulf sobbing young teenagers and fully grown adults in their arms. Lena can’t hold back a sob at how a mother grips tightly on one boy’s shoulders, how her lips form the words of “I love you. I’m so proud of you.”.

She’s never once heard that. She’s never once knew of such a love.

She could have, but it was ripped away from her before she could even know it existed.

In a crowd full of people, Lena’s never felt more alone.

Holding a hand over her mouth, Lena tries desperately to hold back her cries, ashamed of her feelings and herself. Her body shakes, trembles with each whimper, mouth opened in a gasp to get some air in before she drives herself to an anxiety attack.

She looks to the right, a woman is kneeling down on one knee with a ring pushed to another woman who looks about the happiest person in the world right now.

She looks to the left, a mother holding hands with her baby, who’s sitting on her husband’s shoulders, as they all chant “Love is love! Love is love! Love is love!”, proudly showing off the rainbow strokes painted beautifully on the slopes of their cheeks.

She looks behind her, the barista who served her earlier is hugging a friend, crying loudly about how he was so afraid to say anything, how he didn’t want to lose their friendship, how happy and glad he is that his love is reciprocated and returned two-folds.

She looks to the front, and gets the shock of her life when she sees a blonde woman smiling warmly at her.

“Hi dear, I’m Eliza. I was just passing by with the PFLAG group and I saw you here alone. Are you okay, sweetie?”

The woman’s blue eyes pierce straight into her, like she’s staring right into Lena’s dark, unlovable soul. Her “free mom hugs” t-shirt glares at Lena like a beacon, making her incapable of looking anywhere else.

Realizing she’s been quiet to the point of rudeness, Lena opens her mouth. She wants to answer that she’s fine, that she’s okay.

But the words get stuck in her throat, and all that comes out is a choked sob.

She shouldn’t be here. She doesn’t deserve to be in midst of such happiness and joy. She should be alone with her cold, broken heart, accepting the reality that she will be alone forever with no one to love and no one who loves her.

Eliza’s decision to pull her in her arms takes Lena aback so much that she freezes, even when gifted the thing her younger selves would have killed so much for.

“There, there…” the raven’s heart bursts inside her chest, an accumulation of 20 years worth of yearning rushes to the surface without any warning.

Overwhelmed, the only thing Lena can do is return the woman’s hug and squeeze with all her might.

Tears running down her cheeks. Snots dripping down her sternum. Breathless whimpers escape from her lips, head buried inside Eliza’s neck.

The hands smoothing down her back elicits another choked cry from Lena, urging her to squeeze the woman harder and enjoys this hug the best she can, lest it be the last one she’ll ever receive.

“It’s okay, sweetie.” Eliza’s silky voice drips in her ear, so warm and affectionate and— _my God, she’s just like my mom._ “No matter what is going on or what you’ve been through in the past, I promise you there are those who love you so much, and there are just as many who are proud of you. For every unconditional love of a mother there is, there will always be a stranger who loves you just as much in their absence. I promise you that, sweetheart. You are beautiful, and you are loved.”

“El-Eliza…”

Lena tries. She tries so hard to say thank you.

Thank you for loving her, for being proud of her, for taking her in her arms without even knowing who she is or what she is like. For loving her unconditionally.

But her tongue just can’t form the words, and so she continues to bury her nose in Eliza’s neck. Inhaling the scent of lavender, Lena thinks of her mom watching her from heaven, and wonders if Eliza is an angel sent down to Earth.

Right there, in the middle of the crowded street, with happiness and joy and _pride_ around her, Lena finally finds the love she’s lost. The love she’s owed.

She can almost hear it. The words her mother would say if she’s here with Lena right now. The hug she would give if Lena is wrapped up in her arms. The kiss she would place on her forehead when it’s finally time for Lena and her to reunite.

_I love you. I’m so proud of you, and I always will. You’re my daughter. I would never change anything about the person I love most in this whole wide world._

_Remember that, Lena. When you feel like no one loves you, remember me. Remember Eliza. Remember those that are like you, the people who_ will _love you unconditionally._

_Live a happy life, okay? For me._

_I promise, I love you no matter what._

**Author's Note:**

> That was my fic for Pride Month. Happy Pride, everyone. Stay safe out there, and thank you for reading.


End file.
